My Crazy Path to Wild Money

 This post (along with 200 other creative blog posts), is part of the The Declaration of You Bloglovin’ Tour, authored by Michelle Ward & Jessica Swift. This newly released book gives readers the permission they crave to step passionately into their lives, discover how they are unique, and uncover what they are meant to do! Learn more — and join us! — by clicking here.

When I starting selling my hand painted silk I was 23 years old. I remember the cycle well: use credit cards to buy silk and dye, paint for several weeks, sell at local craft fairs, pay off the credit cards, rinse and repeat.  I don’t know how I had enough for food, rent, insurance and travel, but somehow I did.  It certainly wasn’t because I planned it out and used a budget.

I was a master of flying by the seat of my pants.  Grand Master, in fact.

When I turned thirty I started to worry about money.  My father died suddenly that year, and I lost some of my innocence and naiveté.  My creative lifestyle was both carefree and stressful.  I had no boss, and thought this was the definition of freedom.  I could do want I wanted, when I wanted.  Woo Hoo!

But a car repair, or injury would throw me into a tizzy, and my stress level would skyrocket.  My therapist encouraged me to look at my resistance to money.  Gulp.  I thought that ignoring it was working just fine, thank you.  She said something that stuck with me: money is freedom.  Huh?  How’s that?  She said, “Money gives you choice, the power to make decisions, and that is freedom.”  Radical thought!

I began to think about ways to create regular income… but didn’t know where to turn.  I went to graduate school and became a psychotherapist, but had the same financial challenges.  My income was erratic, I didn’t know how to budget and I made it by constantly juggling priorities.  It didn’t even occur to me to seek advice or coaching.

Going through a difficult divorce was the impetus for trying a “real” job in high tech.  I worked my way up the ladder quickly and loved the ease and stability of a regular paycheck.  I had benefits like health insurance, a 401k plan and stock purchase plan for the first time.  I gave birth to my son at the age of 40 and received three months of paid leave.  It was luxurious.  Yet, I was an entrepreneur at heart, felt stifled and out of place in a Fortune 100 company.

The universe solved my little dilemma with a national economic meltdown, which meant that in 2001 I was laid off.  Now what?  Return to being an artist?  Attempt to learn business?  Teach?  I had a two year old, wanted a bigger income, needed benefits and still didn’t understand money, at all.

When a financial advisor from a major broker/dealer talked to me about working at her firm I was stunned.  Me?  I don’t like to look at money.  I don’t balance my checkbook.  I have no idea how my 401k is invested.  Why me?

“You can learn about money,” she said.  That was news to me.  And honestly, I didn’t believe her, but I like a challenge so I told myself that if I got the job, I’d pour my heart into it.  They set me a daunting stack of books and tests to study for the Series 7 licensing exam.  I studied for two months, and surprised myself and everyone who knew me by passing.

I discovered that even a highly creative person like me can learn about money and investing.  I quickly began to share this message with my clients.  I drew pictures to illustrate concepts.  I searched for books that made learning about financial planning accessible to the creatively minded… but there were none.

And then I knew what my next mission was:  write a beautiful, approachable, useful book about money.  I wanted this book to jump off the shelf and invite even the most timid to crack the spine and dig in.  I wrote and taught and refined and designed for two and a half years.  When I finally held my babies in my hands two months ago is was a glorious relief.

The funny thing about writing and coaching about money is that I continually learn about myself, and have to keep nurturing and building my own relationship with money.  It never ends.  It’s never perfect, though there are definitely times things are going along smoothly and require little attention, and other times my financial world shifts suddenly and I have to regroup and reprioritize.  If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past ten years of being a financial professional it’s that we have no idea what will happen next in life, and knowing this, preparing for this, and accepting money as a marriage of choice rather than an arranged marriage to an evil warlord, is key.

What have you learned about money this past year?  Share what you’ve learned about what money is or isn’t, and how you show up for this relationship. It’s liberating to talk about it!